What If
by Uchiha Sasuke-kun
Summary: What if Sasuke was a girl...read to find out. SasuNaru NOT YAOI! slight onesided ItaSasu. Chapter 4 up!
1. Chapter 1

Uchiha Sasuke-kun: Hey y'all. This is my story about Sasuke and Naruto. Hope y'all like it.

Sasuke: THAT'S NO FAIR! U MAKE ME A GIRL!

Naruto: Actually your pretty cute as a girl.

Sasuke: SHUT UP DAMMIT!

Uchiha Sasuke-kun: I do not own Naruto. it is owned by the genius, Masashi Kishimoto.

Chapter 1: Team 7 -  
The infamous team 7 was at the bridge as usual, waiting for their sensei. (he was late...AGAIN)  
Sakura and Naruto were giving him death glares as their teacher slowly walked up, reading his Icha Icha Paradise. As he looked up from his hentai novel, he noticed there were only two ninjas waiting as the bridge. His visible eybrow was raised in confusion.  
"Where's Sasuke? He's usually the first here, if not only to spend some time alone!" he thought.  
Sakura ran up to Kakashi, and looked worried. "Kakashi-sensei, have you seen Sasuke-kun? He's usually here by now"  
Naruto walked up with his hands behind his head.  
"Yeah! Where is the bastard"  
POW  
"Don't call my Sasuke a bastard!" )  
"Pfft! Whatever"  
"He is! And someday he'll bend down on one knee, asking me to be his bride"  
sweatdrop  
Sakura stopped daydreaming, when she heard footsteps. She looked, and it was Sasuke! She ran up to him and gave him a very tight hug.  
"...Let go of me..." he said coldly.  
"Sasuke-kun! I was worried about you! I thought you might be hurt"  
"You'll be hurt if you don't let go of me..." he said, emotionlessly.  
"I'm so glad you're safe"  
"...Sakura...if you don't let go of me RIGHT NOW, you'll be next priority after Itachi on my 'to kill' list"  
"Oh, Sasuke-kun! You'd never do that!" she squealed.  
He raised his eyebrow.  
"Oh wouldn't I"  
She let go immediatly. He had spoken coldly to her very often, but never had he EVER compared her to Itachi! Naruto broke Sasuke's brooding.  
"Hey Sasuke-teme! What's up with you? Your'e even grumpier than usual! Ya get shot in the ass or what"  
"Morning, Dobe!" he said with the slightest hint of a smile.  
Sakura stood in shock. He never smiled at her! He never smiled at ANYONE! And yet there he was...smiling at -of all people- NARUTO! Something wasn't right. Naruto smiled back.  
"'Bout time, bastard! Didja sleep in, or run out of hair gel?" he laughed.  
"No, I just wasn't feeling well. But thanks for asking!" he siad with a broad grin this time.  
"Are you like, ok man?" the blonde shinobi asked. Since the Zabuza incident they had become pretty close friends. Naruto called Sasuke a bastard, but he didn't really MEAN it anymore. If the young Uchiha wasn't feeling well, it must be something bad, like the flu or pneumonia, or something like that! Naruto worried about the raven-haired boy...er...man now very much.  
He constantly worried if he ate regularly. Sasuke often forgot to eat when he trained intensely.  
"You got cooties?" Naruto joked.  
Sasuke smirked.  
"Nah. Some STD." he snickered.  
Sakura's eyes bugged out. (O.O)  
Naruto grinned. "Do you know who you got it from?" He snickered and laughed.  
"No. It coulda been any girl in Konoha or Sound even! I've done so many, I lost count!" (lol) he joked.  
Training was delayed on account of Sakura suddenly fainting.  
(A/N:hmmm...i wonder why...)(author snickers)  
As Sakura was foaming at the mouth, Sasuke and Naruto were enjoying themselves, munching on breakfast, kneeling on the railing.  
"Didja see the look on her face!" Naruto laughed.  
Sasuke almost bust a gut laughing!  
"Yeah! The 'who you got it from' line was PERFECT"  
"She should get it by now that you don't like her. She's so stupid"  
"Hell, I even told her I was GAY once"  
"And she STILL chased you? (O.o"  
"Hai. She said 'I can turn you straight again'!" Sasuke imitated a girly voice. Amazingly well. "O.o Nani? Sasuke-teme, I didn't know you could do impressions! You sounded JUST like a girl"  
"Uh...yeah...impressions"  
When Naruto got distracted by a baby fox, Sasuke sighed.  
"phew"  
'Almost blew my cover.' he thought.  
-  
About an hour later, Sakura stirred from her blackout.  
"Sasuke-kun? Is that you?" she mumbled as a figure came before her. She focused. It was a toad. (lol)  
"Aagh!" The cry echoed throughout Konoha.  
-  
Sasuke raised his head slightly.  
"Hn. Looks like the 'bitch' is awake." he sighed.  
As training drawled on, they decided to do a miniature sparring competition.  
"First match, Sasuke vs. Sakura." Kakashi said while still chuckling over his Icha Icha Paradise.  
Sakura got into a fighting stance. Sasuke simply walked toward her with his hands in his pockets.  
"Aren't you taking your hands out of your pockets?" Kakashi inquired.  
"I honestly don't see the need. Let's just get this over with, alright?" he said, looking bored.  
Sakura dashed forward, unsheathing her shuriken and a kunai. Sasuke slowly stepped to the right and dodged her attack.  
"...god, this is boring..." he grunted.  
Sakura came up from behind and used a summoning jutsu. Sasuke put his hand up lazily, unleashing a small bit of chakra, stopping the jutsu. Releasing a bit more chakra, he placed his other hand on her large forehead in the form of an 'L-shape'. A poof of smoke appeared, and Sakura was transformed into...a slug. (LOL)  
Kakashi looked up from his book and clapped, obviously pleased with the Uchiha's focus and control. Naruto stared open-mouthed He grinned stupidly.  
"That was AWESOME! She didn't see it coming!" he gave Sasuke a high-five. slap (high-five)  
"Of course she didn't see it coming! You actually have to stop gazing dreamily into your opponent's eyes to actually 'see' anything!" he snickered.  
"Next match! Naruto vs. Sasuke!" Kakashi announced.  
"All right! Now it's my turn to have a go at ya, Sasuke-teme!" Naruto smiled.  
"Finally, a worthy opponent." Sasuke smirked.  
"Begin!" (Kakashi)  
Naruto made ther tiger, dragon, and boar hand signs, and promptly dissapeared.(A/N: mind you i do not know the hand signs for the Rasengan) Reappearing behind Sasuke (masking his chakra) and sweeped his leg under him, tripping Sasuke to the ground. AS he got up, and unleashed a substantial amount of chkra into a 'chidori'. "Nice try, Sasuke-teme. But I've got you this time! Rasengan"  
Sasuke barely dodged his attack. The blonde's technique was so powerful that the rocks behind them cracked and shattered! He(Sasuke) decided that it was time to kick it up a notch. Immediately, his 'sharingan' kicked in, illuminating his iris with a blood-red hue. As Naruto's infamous 'rasengan' began to flow from Sasuke's hands, he smirked.  
"No way am I gonna let a 'dobe' win against me"  
Naruto had a broad grin across his face.  
"Oh yes you are! You have no other choice! Sweet victory is MINE"  
"I do not think so." Sasuke squinted.  
Sasuke launched into the air. Naruto dodged easily, throwing a shuriken at the Uchiha.  
"Ha! You're FINISHED!" Naruto crowed. A pair of arms grabbed him from behind. "I highly doubt it." Sasuke smirked as the shuriken Naruto had tossed collided with a piece of wood.  
"What the hell!" Naruto said in shock.  
"The simple art of substitution. So limited in complexity, yet so basic and essential to a ninja." he smirked.  
He let go and launched into the air again. While in midair, suddenly a sharp pain jolted through Sasuke's body. The Uchiha fell to the ground, clutching his stomach. As he growled with pain, Sakura ran to his side. (Kakashi changed her back for good form) She lifted a hand to help him, only to have it shoved away.  
"But, Sasuke-kun!" she protested.  
"Shut up! Leave me the fuck alone!" he snapped.  
Naruto ran to his friend's side.  
"Hey BASTARD! You okay?" He asked.  
Sasuke groaned in pain.  
"I'll be fine, dobe." he smiled at the blonde.  
"Damnit!Don't scare me like that again! What the fuck happened"  
Sasuke looked up at his somewhat obnoxious friend.

Should he tell?

Could Naruto keep the terrible secret?

Would it be safe?

Was the time upon him at last? (to tell Naruto)

No...not yet...

"Agh! Just let me rest. I told you this morning that i wasn't feeling too good"  
Naruto helped Sasuke sit up, only to have Sasuke faint.  
"If you were sick, then you shouldn't have come, stupid bastard!" he yelled as he picked up the Uchiha and carried him towards his apartment.  
---------------------------------------------------------------

Uchiha Sasuke-kun: well hoped you liked the first chappie.

Sasuke: WHAT THE HELL? YOU MADE ME A FUCKIN GIRL!

Naruto: Chill out! You look hot as a girl!

Sasuke: SHUT THE FUCK UP! NOW I'M GONNA NEED FUCKIN THERAPY CAUSE OF YOU IDIOTS!

Naruto: Damn...she's hot when she's mad

Sasuke: I AM NOT A FUCKIN 'SHE'!LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!

Uchiha Sasuke-kun: now now...if you don't stop ranting i'll turn you into a lesbo!

Sasuke: You do and i'll kick both your asses here and now.

Naruto: Is that a threat or a promise?

Sasuke: Do it and you'll find out.

Uchiha Sasuke-kun:try it and you'll become an ugly ass fat chick with facial hair...and acne everywhere...like that ugly girl song... 


	2. The Secret

Uchiha Sasuke-kun: here's chappie #2 so i hope you like it.

Sasuke: WTF! U STILL TURN ME INTO A FUCKIN GIRL!

Naruto: -grins- well at least ur hot!

Sasuke: SHUT UP DOBE!

Uchiha Sasuke-kun: I do not own Naruto or Jerry Springer.  
-  
CHAPTER 2: THE SECRET

back up a minute...Sasuke has fallen in a training exercise and Naruto carries him home...there...

8 hours later...

Sasuke awoke in a strange room. As his eyes flickered open, he observed his surroundings, he noticed he was in a bed with orange sheets. The walls were covered with posters, scrolls, and various other unidentifiable objects. (lol) On the floor there were vlothes scattered everywhere, empty bottles, plastic wrappers, scrolls, and what he thought ws an empty milk carton.

The door knob turned. The door opened. Naruto came into the room, carrying a small tray occupied by a bottle of red liquid, a glass of water, and a large spoon. Naruto approached the bed with the tray.

"So you're finally awake, bastard." he said with a very serious expression.

"Hmm? Nani? Sasuke rubbed his aching temple. Naruto set the tray on the sidetable.

"You've slept for about ten hours." He poured some of the red liquid in the spoon. He positioned the spoon in front of Sasuke's face. The Uchiha stared blankly at the piece of silverware.

Naruto said flatly, "open"  
Sasuke slowly opened his mouth. In went the spoon. He swallowed.

"YEUCH! That's nasty shit!" he gagged, grabbing his throat, sucking on his tongue to try to get rid of the taste.

"It'll make you feel better."

A glass of water was shoved in front of Sasuke's face. He took the water and gulped it down.

"Thanks."

"No problem." Naruto said.

"What's up with you? You look like the living dead."

"You shouldn't have come to training. I was worried sick." Naruto said as he sat on the bed.

Sasuke was just open-mouthed.

"Why worry about me?"

"You're my friend, bastard."

"Yeah. I know."

"I reckon you'll want to take a shower."

Naruto left Sasuke with a towel, and a bar of soap. Sasuke got up and undressed. Entering the bathroom, Sasuke looked into the mirror. The sight that met his eyes was not the muscular, masculine body of a 17-year-old boy. What met his eyes was a petite, feminine body with eyes dark as ebony.

UCHIHA SASUKE WAS A GIRL!

The Uchiha ruffered up her hair, wiped her eyes, and looked again. Her eyes slightly changed. The dark manly eyes were now lined with feminine eyelashes. A certain softness was present. Sasuke grabbed a towel, and climbed into the shower. She slowly turned the shower knob to 'hot'. The warm water washed over her body.

Meanwhile...

Naruto chopped up vegetables for soup. In his boredom, he began talking to himself. (lol i do that too )

"Stupid bastard. Doesn't he realize I worry about him! Then he has the NERVE to fight me and succumbs to pain! I swear he acts like a girl sometimes! (lol)"

The soup was boiling and the smell drifted up to the bathroom.

Sasuke sniffed the air daintily. Through the steam she could smell the faintest hint of miso ramen and green tea.

"Hmmm...smells good!" she said in a light, female laugh. (O.o) (weird)

She finished her shower and got dressed in the usual Uchiha wear. She made her way downstairs.

She found Naruto swearing to high heaven over a cut finger.

She smiled warmly.

"Dobe, you gotta learn to use your knives safely." She disguised her voice to sound like the cold, male voice that was so commonly recognized.

"Oh yeah, like you're a better cook!"

"Yes. I'd like to think so."

"Then you try!"

"Fine, I will then!" she smirked.

She donned an apron, gathered ingredients, and started cooking. By the time she was finished, Naruto's kitchen was filled with fragrant dishes. Naruto stood open-mouthed.

"what...what the hell!" he gawked.

Sasuke smirked.

"Bon Appetite, dobe!" she said in a low voice.

Naruto simply stared. He'd never seen such food in his life! Sure he saw it on TV, and he bought random ingredients, but he didn't actually imagine they were USED for something! How the hell did that bastard learn to cook like that?

"How the fuck did you learn french...?" he glared.

sweatdrop

"Never mind...Just Eat..."

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Uchiha Sasuke-kun: Hope y'all like that too! i will be updating VERY SOON!

Sasuke: I'm not talking to you...

Naruto: Awww...c'mon! Why not?

Sasuke: You embarrassed me...

Naruto: pinches cheeks aww come on girlie-girl! can i get you a barbie doll to cheer you up?

Sasuke: hits Naruto on the head hard I HATE YOU! I HATE BARBIES AND I HATE THIS FIC!

Uchiha Sasuke-kun: Now now...settle down you two otherwise i'll make this story NEVERENDING! MWA HA HA HA HA!

Sasuke: ...

Sasuke:...shutting up...

Naruto: still unconcious

Uchiha Sasuke-kun: Now that that's settled...PLZ REVIEW! 


	3. CHapter 3: WTF?

Uchiha Sasuke-kun: Here's chappie #3!

Sasuke: I HATE YOU!

Naruto: aww c'mon you don't mean that...

Sasuke: YES I DO! I'VE NEVER MEANT ANYTHING MORE IN MY FUCKIN LIFE!

Uchiha Sasuke-kun: I do not own Naruto or Jerry Springer or George W. Bush

-  
Chapter 3: WTF?

After Naruto stuffed his face, the two sat in front of the TV, watching 'Jerry Springer'.

TV SHOW:

Donna: "Bitch! No way would my man sleep with a fucking slut like you!"

Julie: "Well he did. Not only that but I'm pregnant with his kid!"

Donna: "How do you know it's his!"

Julie: "What the fuck! OMG! Danny! How the fuck did you get here!"

guy walks up

audience gasps

Danny: "Julie! What the fuck! You've been fucking around on me with a damn breeder! How could you!"

Julie: "I swear I didn't do it!"

Danny: "Well, I need to come out of the closet!"

Julie: "You're gay?"

Danny: "No. I'm a chiuaua! A very well-hung chiuaua! bark And I'm pregnant with George W. Bush's human puppy half-breed! It happened when I got abducted and raped by aliens from Delta III!"

--------------

Sasuke muted the show.

"Damn! American shows are some crazy shit, huh?" Naruto commented.

"Stuff like that happens all the time in Otogakure (village of sound)" she said flatly. (voice disguised as a guy's)

Naruto looked at Sasuke, shocked.

"OO You're KIDDING!"

"Nope. I've also seen weirder in Sound."

"My god! That's not possible!"

"Trust me on this. Once you've seen Orochimaru in a bikini, at a picnic, in the middle of January, holding onto a bald monkey, drinking a keg of beer, poledancing, popping pills, smoking pot, on crack, lecturing on history, talking about condoms and birth control, and french-kissing his OWN ASS...nothing tends to surprise you anymore..."

After a void of severe mental meltdown and blindness, Naruto regained his composure (somewhat).

"My god! My eyes! They burn!"

"That's not even mentioning the 'Mozeltov incident'. shudder But I prefer not to ever mention or even think of that again, upon pain of death or life-long mental psychopathic therapy."

Naruto grabbed the remote and turned the sound back on to ease his nerves.

TV SHOW:

Jerry Springer: "So you had an affiar with your plastic surgeon!"

Debbie: "Yes, because he made me beautiful!"

Bob (husband): Beautiful! You look terrible!"

Debbie: "Why you bastard! Get the fuck out of my life!"

Bob: "Gladly!"

Springer: "So where's the plastic surgeon in all this?"

Bob: "He died when she tried to be on top!"

Springer: "Is this true Debbie?"

Debbie: "I swear, an elephant escaped from the zoo and stepped on him!"

Springer: "The Zoo!"

-----------------------------------

A slight amount of weight was added to Naruto's shoulder. He looked, and a head of raven-black hair was the object of mass.

"Lighter than I thought he'd be." Naruto thought.

The Uchiha's breathing was slow and regular.

Asleep...

-  
Sasuke's DREAM

She was in a hot place. Sasuke looked around, surrounded by other kunoichi from the villages. There was Ino, and Sakura, and Temari, Hinata, Kin, Ten-ten, and herself.

Looking down at herslef, she noted that she was in strange clothing, along with the other girls.

Her legs were encased in this, see-through harem pants, her arms adorned wtih gold jewelry, and the small cloth that was wrapped around her chest was a TINY, sleeveless, bra-like, strapless, piece of LACE, showing an impressive amount of cleavage. Blushing madly, she approached the only other girl to have known of the secret. Ino.

"Ino, what's going on?" she asked.

The blonde kunoichi looked at her as if no recognition sparked at all. A bell rang and all the girls ran to the door. The door opened and a tall, dark man with long raven-colored hair, pulled into a ponytail, red eyes, and strange markings on his face entered.

"Master Itachi!" All the girls said at once. Sasuke said it as a hateful hiss, without the 'master' part. She finally noticed where she was. She was in a HAREM that belonged to 'him'! (Itachi)

The eldest Uchiha looked at the younger. He smirked.

"I see the new blossom has arrived." he said smoothly. "Unlike most, her skin is pale and fair. Looks like we've got a desert lily on our hands eh?" he said as he ran his thumb along Sasuke's cheek.

"...grr...bite me, dumbass..." she growled.

Itachi looked a bit shocked.

"What was that!"

"Read my fuckin lips, I said BITE ME!"

"Very well, Lily..."

"Lily? What the FUCK! My name is Uchiha Sasuke, you stupid-ass mother-fucker!"

"Hmm...quite a mouth on you. Also, a liar. Uchiha Sasuke is my brother. And you don't look like a man, it seems to me you look like a petite, young, busty FEMALE! Besides, you shall be what I call you, young one!"

"BITE ME, ASSHOLE!" she screamed.

Immediately, his sharp teeth ran into her neck, drawing blood.

"OW!" she yelled, pushing him away, using her hair comb as a make-shift kunai, slicing his cheek. "You BASTARD!"

Examining his cheek, he smiled evilly.

"A bucking bronco, eh?"

"Damn straight." she snapped.

"Kisame, bring her to my chambers. And don't forget my 'toys'."

----------------------------------

Naruto blinked. Was Sasuke actually TALKING in his sleep? The voice didn't sound like the low, manly bastard who attracts girls like a fucking magnet.

It sounded like a whimper...

"Hmm...I wonder..."

-------------------------------------

Back to Sasuke's dream

She was now chained onto Itachi's bed.

"rrrgh...you bastard..." she growled.

"You brought this upon yourself. I wasn't going to 'break you in' until tomorrow night, but your wild mouth got me lusty enough to take you tonight." he said as he brought out a whip.

She eyed it as he attempted to disrobe her. On instinct, she kicked him hard!

"So FIESTY! Every move you make will only arouse me more." he said while moving his jaw back and forth to take in that he had actually been kicked.

"Oh god no! Not that! Please god! When will I wake up from this nightmare!"

---------------------------------

"Sasuke, dude, wake up!"

-poof-

"Huh?" Sasuke said groggily.

"Dude, you had a bad dream...you were crying and everything!" Naruto said.

So it WAS a dream! She was happy that it wasn't real, but something else hit her at the moment of joy. She grabbed her head. A migraine.

Great...Just Great...

"Shit! I got a fuckin' headache from here to the land of Mist!" she groaned.

"Dude, you want an aspirin?"

"Ungh...sure, why not?" she said, concentrating on the pain.

"Y'know, I care about you. Just so you know." Naruto said softly.

"Naruto, I..."

A pang at her heart helped her decide that NOT telling him her secret would be MORE painful, and WRONG considering how much he cared.

"Naruto..." she bit her lip. "I need to tell you something."

"Yeah, what?"

--------------------------------------------------------------

Uchiha Sasuke-kun: Well that's the 3rd chappie! hope y'all like it!

Sasuke: No they won't like it, cause i'm a fuckin' GIRL!

Naruto: But people love SasuNaru fics...

Sasuke: Shut up...

Uchiha Sasuke-kun: well enough bickering...let's get down to business! PLZ REVIEW!

Sasuke: I hate you... 


	4. Chapter 4 EDIT: New love redone

Uchiha Sasuke-kun: hey y'all this is the ACTUAL 4th chapter...sorry about the little double posting thing...my computer kinda got out of control! Anyways...hope ya like it!

Sasuke: -still a girl- I hate you...I hate this fic, and I hate everyone in it!

Naruto: -laid-back- Aww! C'mon sweet-cheeks! You know you don't hate me. -inspecting his fingernails-

Sasuke: You! SHUT THE FUCK UP! And DON'T call me SWEET-CHEEKS!

Naruto: -smirks- ...okay okay...but only if you orgasm real hard next time... (lolZ)

Sasuke: O.o WTF? We NEVER had...-sighs- never mind...you just think this is some kind of fun joke...

Uchiha Sasuke-kun: What joke? I'm keeping you like that.

Sasuke: WTF? O_O

Naruto: Yup...that's right. You're gonna be a girl forever and then you'll have to marry me! -tongue stuck out-

Sasuke: DEAR GOD! HELP ME!

Uchiha Sasuke-kun: Too bad...he can't here you...you're a imaginary person...

Sasuke: Fuck! I'd rather marry that freaky-ass Gaara or that creepy Neji than you, Naruto!

Naruto: Just ask the author!

Sasuke: -turns to authoress (me)- WTF?

Uchiha Sasuke-kun: It's true...Naruto's your husband.

Naruto: See! I TOLD YOU! -sticks out tongue again-

Uchiha Sasuke-kun: well anyway...i do not own Naruto...lolz if i did i would be surrounded by Sasuke's and Naruto's fighting over me...lolz

"Naruto..." she bit her lip. "I need to tell you something."

"Yeah, what?"

"I'll go up and change. I'll tell you when I get down."

"Ok, I'll get your aspirin." he said smiling.

She walked upstairs, clutching her chest. She couldn't turn back now. As she slipped into a black mini skirt, and a lacy black tank top. She applied lip-gloss, and wiped her eyes, showing her eyelashes. She descended those stiar for what seemed like forever. Naruto sat at the bottom.

"...-Sasuke clears her throat-..."

Naruto turned and...dropped the water and aspirin!

"How the hell did you get in my apartment!"

She slapped him lightly on the cheek.

"Dumbass dobe..."

"Sasuke! When did you learn the Sexy no Jutsu!"

"...Never..." she said in a light female voice. "I was born a girl."

"You're KIDDING? O_O"

"Nope. You see...it was because of my father..."

-flashback-

A hospital room. It's the maternity ward. Uchiha Fugaku, was in the delivery room, desperately convinced that his newborn was going to be a boy.

"Ah! Fugaku! The baby's coming!" his wife, Mikoto cried as the contractions came only seconds apart.

"I'm here, darling. Push. You can do it!" He cheered with fans that he got out of no where. (lolz)

Mikoto smacked him hard with a hospital tray. "I DON'T SEE YOU FUCKING DELIVERING THIS GODAMN BABY, DO YOU?" she hissed with pain, pushing him away roughly. "Sonuvabitch...if you want this fucking pain, I'd give it to you, believe you me...fucking bastard, you're the one that DID THIS TO ME IN THE FIRST PLACE!" she wailed, her strength managing to partially crush the metal arms of the bed she was holding onto. "I TRIED to get you to come to the hospital earlier, but nooooooo~, I had to WAIT cause of a STUPID, MOTHERFUCKING POKER GAME..." she roared, scaring half of the nurses in the maternity ward. Her sarcasm was intensified as she mocked him, imitating his voice in a snide manner. " 'No, honey...I have to finish this game. We can't have the baby now'..." she curled her lip at him. "WELL I THINK THE BABY GETS TO DECIDE, AND IT SAYS NOOOOOOOWWWWWW!" she snapped through clenched teeth.

About 28 hours later, after the baby was born, Fugaku was quite eager to hold his son. But when the tiny child was handed to him, his wife sighed, laying back against the hospital pillows. Now, he sensed something amiss...something wasn't right.

"I think we should name her Sayuri, what do you think, honey?" she sighed happily, glad that the worst of it was over...so she thought.

Fugaku's eyes widened as he started to panic. He lifted up the blanket the baby was wrapped in. Instead of the anatomy he was expecting, it was a baby GIRL. But being the stubborn Uchiha he was, it was assured he was not going to be deterred easily. This wasn't right...this COULDN'T be right. A GIRL? The clan elders would not be pleased. Not pleased at ALL. But no matter...they'd never know. Period. He'd make damn sure of it.

"No. OUR SON's name is Sasuke. And that's FINAL. I WILL NOT HAVE any child of mine become a worthless kunoichi! It would be a disgrace to the Uchiha name, and such a travesty would defile the proud Uchiha symbol we wear. A female Uchiha hasn't been born in over a hundred years (A/N: made that part up but i have a feeling) and I certainly won't have such a degradation happen in my house." Turning to his wife, he let out a feral curse, knowing how his wife would try and trump this if she had the chance. "Mikoto, I expressly FORBID YOU to dress Sasuke in ANYTHING EVEN REMOTELY FEMININE, lest anyone finds out. You and Itachi are to treat this child like a boy, and I don't want to hear any if's, and's, or but's about it! This doesn't serve our plans...if anyone were to know about this, it could cause immense...complications. We've been planning this for years, and I'm not letting this little disgrace's gender stop that. We'll raise Sasuke like any normal boy, and if the bitch can't be kept hidden long enough, we'll kill her...understood?" he hissed coldly.

And with that heartless statement, he walked out to leave his wife and eldest son standing there, speechless. Like the ambitious antagonist he was, he proceeded to hand out blue bubblegum cigars to his friends and family to celebrate his new arrival.

-end flashback-

"My father didn't want his daughter to be a kunoichi. Ever since I was born, he had told me I was a boy, and to act like one. Only when my mother secretly told me, did I know fact from fiction. a.k.a. my father's delusions."

-flashback-

It was summer. At seven years old, Sasuke and her father were walking at the summer carnival. Sasuke saw a girls' pink and white yukata kimono with balloons and sakura blossoms on it. She whined to her father, like any child would.

"Father! I like THAT! It's 'pretty'! Can I buy it, father? Can I? Can I?" she begged.

He shook his head, alarmed at such a sudden outburst. He had a bad feeling.

"Sasuke, boys do not wear girls' clothes. I am not raising a crossdresser am I?" he said, emotionlessly. "And stop whining. Boys don't whine. You play with the hand you're dealt, and you never give in. No son of mine is going to show weakness and dishonor this family. You can be sure of that..."

Sasuke pouted, and said something that she would never realize had nearly cost her the very life she lived.

"But MOMMY told me I was a GIRL! But you say I'm a boy...who's right?"

Fugaku stopped in his tracks, masking the fury he felt within him. This wouldn't do. It figured the bitch couldn't keep her mouth shut...but the death of his wife would cause problems. She could still give him many sons. But the girl by his side now knew her gender. And that was a liability. A risk, he sure as hell wasn't going to take.

"What did your mother tell you?" he said calmly but obviously in anger.

"Mommy told me I wasn't a boy, that I was a girl, and that I could wear dresses when you're not around." she said blankly.

Fugaku calmly turned around and knelt down to Sasuke's eye level. Masking any of his intentions, he stared into his daughter's eyes, which made Sasuke a little nervous. Was Daddy mad at her?

"Could you stay here, SON? Daddy needs to talk to Mommy for a while. Now here's some money, go buy boy things okay? I'll be right back. I need to discuss something with your mother...a 'surprise' for you. It's nearly your birthday, and we have BIG plans. I need to make sure you get what you deserve for your birthday, right?" he asked, still in that eerie deadpan tone. It was unnerving.

Walking off, Fugaku was dead-set on what he was going to speak to Mikoto about when he got home. It was time, and he knew what needed to be done. For the sake of the clan...for the sake of the Master Plan. The woman-child was now a liability, and that wasn't going to be allowed to be risked. She must be terminated.

(back at the Uchiha Estate)

"Mikoto! HOW COULD YOU? I thought we agreed on this when he was born! You wouldn't tell the bitch and she'd grow up to be a normal 'boy'!" he shouted, grabbing her by the collar. "I TOLD YOU that no one was to know of her gender...NO ONE! ESPECIALLY NOT WITH OUR PLANS COMING SO CLOSE TO FRUITION!"

"I didn't agree to it. YOU just DECIDED FOR US! I will not have my daughter growing up to be a gender-confused crossdresser! She is MY DAUGHTER TOO! And I am her mother, so I will decide what feminine affairs go on in this house. AND THAT'S FINAL! Besides, how do you know she's such a risk?" she shouted just as loudly.

Fugaku was seething with anger and pure malice before her. "How do I know?" he asked sarcastically, not noticing Itachi on the staircase, crouched down to listen. "BECAUSE YOU WOMEN ARE NOTHING BUT SNAKES...YOU LET YOUR EMOTIONS RULE YOU, AND I GUARANTEE that the elders would hang you if they even caught breath of this typically-female treason. Mikoto, your loyalty is to this clan, not some whelp that could bring our plans to ruin. Sasuke must be taken out of the picture. I'll send for Shisui soon. Itachi isn't to know about this, and you KNOW why...so breathe a word of this to no one, or I'll make you wish you'd kept silent, wench."

-end excerpt-

((author's note: keep in mind that this was an excerpt from the narrator's point of view...Sasuke only knows what was said between her and her father. She doesn't know much else. And she certainly doesn't know about the plan for the Uchiha to take over Konoha... -cough cough- spoiler alert))

"Oooooooookaaaaaay then?" Naruto said confused.

"So here I am. Thank you for caring." she whispered as she lightly kissed him on the lips.

Naruto was paralyzed. Here he was, kissing his rival! But oh! Since she was a girl, it felt so good! He returned the kiss, deepening it as she lightly ran her hands along his arms. Moving slowly forward, she forced him back until he fell onto the couch, where she sat, kissing him out of reality.

Suddenly Naruto moaned Sasuke's name. As he did, he ran his hands through her hair, deepening the kiss, further still. Sensations heightened by everyone of Naruto's movements, Sasuke smiled as she too moaned Naruto's name.

"Naruto, what are we doing!" she said.

"Bastard, what do you think we're doing! We're kissing! Can't I show my affection with you questioning me six way ooff of Tuesday of what..."

He was cut short.

"Affection?" she said blankly. "You mean you..."

"Yes. I've always cared about you in a very special way...in fact...I thought I was gay! Though I feel better now that I know why my crush on Sakura didn't last very long." he laughed.

She kissed him again, only harder. This time she ran a hand up his shirt, rubbing his abs. He moaned as she rubbed his abs. It felt so good! He shifted so that he was on top of her. He licked her bottom lip, beggin for entrance. Eager to grant his tongue's request, Sasuke allowed him to enter. Tongues wrestled for what seemed like an eternity.

Naruto's resolve was waning. He slipped a hand up her mini-skirt, grasping her hips with a strong hand. His fingers played with her panties. She noticed his pants were protruding a bit. Obviously a hard-on. Naruto also noticed that his little warrior of love screamed to take her right at that moment. AS he ravished her lips, he snuck a finger down her panties. She gave a small 'eek' at the intrusion and automatically shot her hands down, which stopped the sexual intrusion. Kissing him fiercely, she moaned.

"Nn...Naruto, why are we doing this?"

"Bastard, it's you're fault. You wore a damn smexy(A/N: I write smexy istead of 'sexy') mini-skirt! How can I keep cool when you're so SMEXY!" he said licking his lips, eager for another round of those kisses.

"Naruto, you've only know I was a girl for about an hour or so!"

He lightly poked her chest, saying flatly.

"Smexiness." (lol)

She smiled warmly as she gave him a light kiss.

"Naruto, would you mind uh...getting up, cause I've got to go do something."

"What's the hurry, bastard? We got time!" he said coolly. (it's a pet name now lol)

"There is nothing I'd rather do than stay nad kiss your face off, but I need to go. It's almost time to change my... P-A-D. That pain I succumbed to in our fight was a menstrual cramp."(that explains a lot)

"Pad? Menstrual cramp? What're those?" (A/N:dumb isn't he?)

After excruciating frustration, she explained to Naruto about the 'Miracle of Birth' (A/N:'miracle' my lily-white ass! )  
and about 'that time of the month'.

"O.o ...the hell? Y'mean you girls gotta bleed there every month?"

"Sadly yes."

"How long?"

"7 days. I mean sometimes it's shorter for some girls and longer for others, but mine is usuallly for 7 days."

"O_O For a whole damn week!" he panicked. "Guess now I understand why Jiraiya-sensei told me never to trust a creature that bleeds for seven days and doesn't die, dattebayo...at least...you DON'T die, right? I'm not dating a zombie, right?"

"Keep your voice down. Yes. A week."

"Holy shit! That SUCKS, -TTEBAYO!"

As she walked upstairs to the bathroom, she forgot her purse. (where the hell that came from i have no clue...and i wrote this fic...) Being the curious little fox he was, he decided to snoop. There were many objects in Sasuke's purse, including make-up, car keys, kunai, shuriken, mace, more pepper spray, sanitizer gel (O.o) and...a little blue book. It had the Uchiha Symbol on it...and a little chibi Sasuke drawing on the front. (A/N:CUTE!) He decided to open the little book. He started to read the elegantly written characters.

-diary entry-

Dear Diary,

The wearther is sunny, and Kakashi-sensei was late again! I'm starting to get annoyed with him as much as that dobe,  
and 'the bitch'. I got mobbed by fangirls again. It's so ANNOYING! If they only knew. I wish I could tell Naruto but...how would he react? I miss him already though. My crush on him keeps growing. I don't mean to be cold to him but it just comes out!  
Maybe I'll apologize tomorrow.

Love,

Mrs. Uzumaki Sasuke (A/N:O.o)

-end diary entry-

Naruto stopped short, and did a double-take. Did she just write Uzumaki? Maybe he read it wrong. No...it definitely said his last name on that paper.

"Naruto-kun? What are you doing?" He heard her voice behind him. He immediately shoved all her stuff back in her purse and tried to look innocent (A/N: )

"Nothin!"

"Okay. Wanna go for some ramen?" she asked, clueless.

He got excited.

"Gawd! You ARE the perfect woman!" ()

"Ooookay?"

At the IchiRaku Noodle bar...

-slurp- "Mm-mm! Delicious RAMEN!" he said as he slurped up his noodles.

Sasuke just stared blankly at her blonde knight.

"Y'know, you are a bit of a pig." she smiled, jokingly.

"Yeah, he is!" Sakura said from behind them.

Sasuke almost popped a vein.

"Who're you calling a pig? Only I can call him that!"

"And who exactly are you?"

"That doesn't matter. You shut your fucking mouth when you're talking shit on MY boyfriend! Besides, you're a Sasuke-freak, not amounting to much." she crowed.

"You shut up about MY boyfriend!"

"You ditz! HE DON'T LIKE YOU!"

"How do you know, bitch!"

"Slut! I know I'm bitchy!"

-sakura's vein pops-

-sasuke's vein pops-

After a short fist fight, Sasuke came out the victor.

"Hmph! That'll show her! Mess with MY boyfriend will she!" she crowed as she dusted herself off.

Naruto stared.

"...wow..."

"Too violent for you, Naru-koi?"

"No, there's a piece of chocolate on the ground!" he lunged for it.

-sasuke does an anime fall-

"Don't take it! That's not only unsanitary, but it could be a..."

Suddenly a rope encircled his ankle, and pulled him into a tree.

"...trap..."

Uchiha Sasuke-kun: that was the fourth chappie so I hope you like it!

Sasuke:...

Naruto:wow! we sure made out didn't we!

Sasuke: shut up...

EDIT: I CHANGED THIS CHAPTER A BIT TO MAKE IT MORE INTERESTING SO BEFORE I UPLOAD THE NEXT CHAPTER, PLEASE READ THIS ONE OVER AGAIN. YOU'LL LIKE IT. I PROMISE 


	5. Chapter 5: kill me kiss me

Uchiha Sasuke-kun: okay, avoids tomato thrown at her i know i haven't updated in a while, but...is interrupted

random fan: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? a WHILE?! a WHILE?! you think over a year and a half is a little WHILE?!

mob of fans: ATTACK!!!

Uchiha Sasuke-kun: I don't own anything! said while running away very fast Masashi Kishimoto owns Naruto and all the characters from it!

--------------------------------

"Don't take it! That's not only unsanitary, but it could be a..."

Suddenly a rope encircled his ankle, and pulled him into a tree.

"...trap..."

Naruto was swinging in the tree, at the end of the rope. Sasuke face-palmed.

"You IDIOT!" she screamed. "ooh, when I get ahold of you...I'm going to..." you could almost see steam coming from out of her ears. she threw a kunai to cut him down.

THUD

he rubbed the back of his head, looking up at her. "heh, Sasuke I could've...I just..." he started smiling, but stopped when he saw her expression.

"I'm going to kill you...Dobe! You are such a..." but she was interrupted by Tsunade.

"Hey, I thought I just told Kakashi to find you two and bring you to my office. We just got an odd hiring from the leader of the land of Water. He wants Konoha and Suna to do a theatre performance, as a ruse, so that we can lure a certain yakuza boss to assassinate him. He's causing trouble in those parts and it's said that he likes to attend Musicals and Operas."

Sasuke and Naruto looked at each other.

"Musicals?" Sasuke quirked a brow.

"Operas? Isn't that where the fat lady comes out with the braids and the viking helmet on, and sings to break glasses?" Naruto asked.

This time it was Tsunade's turn to face-palm. "Yea, whatever, let's just go..." she sighed as she led them both to the Ninja Academy Auditorium, where the others were already auditioning for parts. Sasuke sweatdropped and looked at Tsunade. "please, god...don't tell me we're actually going through with this..." she asked, praying it was just a joke.

Tsunade shook her head. "nope. We need to be as discreet as possible. This is the only way. Now go get a script." As Naruto picked up one of the pamphlets of paper for the audition pieces, he shoved it in front of Sasuke's face. "Hey, bastard!" he asked. "what's this?" She scoffed. "idiot, can't you read?"

he frowned. "of course I can read, but what I mean is...what is the 'Phantom of the Opera'? is it scary?" he skimmed through the lines. "aaaaw man! we have to sing in this?" he groaned.

she sweatdropped. "oh my gawd! don't tell me you've never heard of the famous Broadway production! Have you NO SENSE OF CULTURE..." she stopped. "forget I just said that...stupid question...of course not..." she also answered his obvious query. "and of course we have to sing in it...it's a musical, dumbass." she kept stoic.

After auditions were done, the cast were as follows.

Naruto: Erik/Phantom

Sasuke: Christine

Sakura: Carlotta

Ino: Mme. Giry

Hinata: Meg Giry

Kiba: Firmin

Shino: Andre

Neji: Raoul

Chouji: Piangi

and

Gaara: Monsieur L'efavre

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Uchiha Sasuke-kun: I know i kept sasuke more In Character this chapter...but...i had a LOOOOOOONG break between writer's blocks...if you guys have any suggestions...please do tell me in a review or pm me...

Sasuke: Review or i'll stick a chidori up your ass... 


End file.
